So yesterday I was very happy to be among the ranks of the great unemployed. I spent much of the morning tending to a delicate head and a bruised ego before spending the afternoon watching an immense ‘Bourne-a-thon’ with my wonderful sympathetic flatmates.
A touch of advice to my unlucky in love / perpetually fractured by disappointment female compadres – don’t believe the heartbreak ‘cure’ prescribed to us by shitty american tv and girly mags; i.e. ice cream and chick flicks. The former makes you feel sick and all the more self loathing and the latter makes you feel sick and all the more self loathing. Don’t get me wrong – I love a bit of chick flick action – it’s a bottom drawer guilty pleasure of mine. Make me try and impress you and I’d be totally scathing of formulaic plots and unbeliveable scenarios and I could write an essay on how Ibsen trumps Jennifer Anniston in female empowerment every time, but find me home alone on a Friday night and just try and prise me away from my best of Julia Roberts collection. I mean it – try – I can be scary.
BUT – when you’ve had your sad little heart trampled all over, again, what you need is some hard ass, pectoral loving, Matt Damon starring action. Seriously – quibbles about your own pathetic life are dwarfed – you could be a amnesiac trained assassin with an unknown kill count and a whole world of secret intelligence after your scalp.
Plus Matt Damon’s nice to look at.
After a few wines, and a few films, you find yourself considering taking up martial arts and persuing a change in careers. You know you have it in you to be a total badass. What does it matter that some self involved drama ponce made you feel like you were an unsightly piece of dog poo that he had the misfortune to step in – you can just add him to your hit list and make him regret ever tempting the wrath of the almighty Adams.
I promise the date disaster story’s a-coming. I just can’t bring myself to pitter patter all the gruesome details out on this keyboard yet.
In the meantime – some more Bourne action might be order – has anyone seen the new one yet? I can’t bring myself to contemplate a Damonless film but desperate times…